(I'll keep on shooting, and one of these days I'll get it right!)
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Have not posted one cause I had not heard a good one for a while.......BUT I have now......
A lady is playing a round of golf.........
She is playing a short chip shot onto the 2nd green, when suddenly she gets stung by a bee. It is painful but she carries on until the half way mark. At the half way mark she now in pain and the club house manager sees her and askes what is wrong.
Club Manager : Whats wrong wit you?
Lady : I have been stung by a bee.
Club Manager : Where were you stung?
Lady : Between the 1st and 2nd hole.
Club Manager : mmmmm.........that means your stance is far to wide...!!!!
Think possitive and possitive things will happen.... FacebookWebsite
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent
strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through
dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim
and pronounced "gonna re-elect him." Many victims contracted it in 2004,
after having been screwed for the past four years. Cognitive
characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social personality
disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme
cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced
xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for own
actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial
smirking, ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards
evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior. Naturalists
and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated
only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.
These are UK Questions so I hope the humour translates
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a gun at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
Can you cry under water?
What level of importance must a person have before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? ...... They're still going to see you naked anyway.
A mate of mine told me he just started his own business.
I was impressed, but owning a business myself, and knowing all about the pressures and stresses that go along with it, I asked him whether he is sleeping at night.
"Like a baby!" he answered. "First. I lie awake for three hours, then I cry for three hours, then I sleep for two hours!"
Re: Post some jokes!
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